Do you miss me?
by PrettyLittleFuhrmanizer
Summary: Clove and Cato one shot. Clove os adjusting to her new life as a victor but its not the same without him. PLEASE R&R. PLEASE!


Its been a while hasn't it Cato. 10 months, 1 week, 3 days, 21 hours, 14 minuets, 34 seconds and counting to be exact.

I miss you.

Don't we all? Do you miss me? I-I need to know. Im sorry. I can hear your voice now. The sexy, cocky, ego filled voice that would grip my attention like an earthquake. Id give you such a sassy and stubborn glare when you'd say "come on clover! You've gone soft on me." I can almost see your smirk. I wish just one more time I could see your perfect smile or your beautiful blue eyes just one last time. The blondness of your spiky hair, your laugh. Anything.

Things have changed so much Cato. No one calls me Clover anymore. I don't really mind it but if it came from you maybe i'd smile for the first time since I lost you, okay second time.

Your brothers came over today. Well you probably know that. They miss you too. We talked for some time. They help me know Im not all alone. Your mother well I don't think she likes me much but she has to tolerate me for-for their sake.

Do you hate me? Because Im not the tough, feisty little bitch you fell for 4 years ago? Do you even love me anymore?

Ugh! Im getting tears on the paper. Im sorry. I cry now Cato. Im not as strong as you hoped or wanted me to be. I cant do this anymore. Most times I just want to die. It shouldn't have been me to live. I know, I know you wouldn't have let me. You wouldn't have to tell me but I wish you would.

I-I wish you were here with me. To talk to me, to hug me, to hold me, to assure me we were gonna be fine, to kiss me. I wish you could put your arms around me one more time. Just for a few seconds.

Sometimes when Im sleeping and barely awake at that moment its like I can feel your strong, muscular, warm body pressed against the back of mine. Your strong arms around my tiny frame. Your face buried in my dark locks. But when I look no one is there.

I dream of you too. Never thought id admit that but I do. When I have those rare few nights where I sleep peacefully. There you are. With me again, smiling, happy. Then I wake up and cry myself back to sleep. The farthest I got in the dream before is that we are at out special spot in the woods. The one by the lake and we kissed under that willow tree. I could almost really feel you there. I wish it was really you.

People say that when you dream about somebody that they miss you. Someone told me that when you dream about a loved one that passed it means at that moment they are with you. In the 10 months that you have been gone there is at least 10 occasions where I could of sworn you were there.

I want to be happy but I cant knowing its all my fault your gone. You tricked me. I absolutely hate you for that but I love you more than anything. Everyone tells me its all right and I will be fine. But do they know how it is to have the love of your life die right in front of them? Probably not. Do you know how badly I cried in that rain, in front of the whole country after your canon sounded. Im not sure if you do but it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Losing you. The worst part is that you begged me to kill you, and I did. I stabbed you the only person Ive ever loved because you lie there begging me to. Its like every time I close my eyes its there in my memories haunting me.

You told me it was going to be okay, Cato! Does it look okay to you! Im a horrible person! Its your fault too! Why did you choose me? To live with the guilt? Its not fair Cato! It really isn't. Not when there is two mini you's running around my house!

Klause and Cole your sons. That we never knew about. How could we have been so stupid! Not to know that I was pregnant in the arena, and 5 1/2 months. I found out the day of your funeral. Your mother almost punched me too. I was 14 almost 15 and I just killed her son and was going to have his children. She hates me because if it wasn't for me you'd be fine but your not your dead. Your gone.

Its hard. Harder with the boys. They look so much like you. Both blond hair, Cole's spiky like yours and he has your long eyelashes and the big ears. Klause had blond hair to but not spiky more wavy like mine, he has your nose though, and your eyes. Sometimes I cant even look at them because they are so alike you. The way that they laugh, and smile. I know you must hate me because of what happened when they were first born.

Do you know how badly I wanted to kill you? It hurt Cato, a lot. Way more than a lot. I needed you there. It would have helped I might have punched, you but you needed to be there. You would have held my hand and told me I was okay and it was almost over or I was doing great, that I was beautiful even though I looked like complete shit, pulled my sweaty hair back from my forehead, kissed me, held me after it was over. You must have hated me for what I did. After I found out they looked like you after I saw them, I wouldn't hold them. I couldn't even look at either one of them for a week. Your sister Avalon took care of them. She stayed at my house and helped me a lot. She told me that maybe they were a gift, because its almost like they aren't just your sons. Its like they are you.

I know I sound insane but its true!

Your parents were cleaning out your room and had me come over with the boys and we could take what we wanted from your room and they could have all those little cars that you had when you were 10. I took some of your old T-shirts, pictures, your dog tags, a scrap book, I even found a journal that I am currently reading sorry for the invasion of privacy. I-um found a small black box between your mattress and the frame of the bed when I hit my head helping your sister grab something she dropped under your bed. The box was small and velvet and black, and I knew what it was going to be when I looked over at your sister when she saw it too. I opened it and inside was a engagement ring small and simple with a perfectly cut white diamond in the middle. There was a note inside the box to.

"Dear Clove,

I know that if you get reaped this year your going to have to come home. I know you will be yourself all stubborn and mad at me but its how it has to be. You know I will always love you even if I don't act like it. Your going to find this somehow I know. The ring is a engagement ring and I was going to give it to you after I won but they want you to volunteer so just remember I do love you. Keep the ring Clover. I love you and will always be with you. ~ Cato"

I cried. More than you know. I still have the ring. Its on my finger right now. Im not married but I can promise you Im not taking it off. I also took your phone. I listen to the music the thousands of songs to choose from. Look at your photos of random things, family, you, friends, me. I even watch the videos. Most of them are of you and me, even one of us when we were in your dads pickup getting hard ware supplies singing like idiots to the local radio station. God I miss you.

There are things I do everyday not to forget you. I remember things we did together, when we trained, what you looked like, how your voice sounded, how you laughed, how you acted. I still have the picture of both of us standing next to the old willow tree we both carved our initials into 3 years ago sitting on my bed side table. I have the ring that would have been your wedding ring, its on my finger right next to mine. I know this will seem weird but i have one of your pillows. It smells like you too. Hair gel and the woods. I have some of your clothes too. The blue T-shirt with the white paint smeared on the bottom when we painted your sisters room together. I wear it a lot too knowing it was your favorite, Im wearing it now.

So here I am Cato doing my almost daily visit to your grave. Writing you this letter sitting in front of your grave stone with your sons sitting right next to me or on my lap. The letter you will never get. I wish you could know them they'd love you like, you'd love them, like I love them. They will never fully understand why your not here. When they are older I will tell them the story of their courageous and brave father that I fell head over heels for. Why your not there.

I love you. I always will Cato. I believe that you will always be with me. I know I promised you id move on but I cant. You were my first love and you will be the last, the only one for me ever. I miss you and love you. Show me a sign when your around not something big it can be simple I just need to know your there. The wind just blew. Would that be the sign Cato? Either way Im leaving you this note to you right here on your gravestone. Cato Alexander Hadley. Loved brother, son, tribute, friend, boyfriend and father. June 4th 5050- August 1st 5066. I love you...

~Clove Isabelle Kentwell Hadley

AN- So this has been on my ipod forever. I hoped you guys liked it I found it really sad to write :( well REVIEWS ARE HIGHLY LOVED! REVIEW PLEASE! And i know this was OOC that was the purpose.


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